Adios ayer

You know how they say how girls always post stupid quotes on social media to attract attention of the ones who these quotes are supposed to be for?

Yes, I am one of them. Sorry not sorry though. It’s part of my processing, my learning to express myself and how I try to point certain things to certain people.

I know. It’s immature and childish. Yes, I agree with you my imaginary friend, reading this incredibly late post. I wonder who you are and what are doing here. You just keep reading, it will get better than this cheesy part of it. You will see, I promise 🙂

“Adios ayer” is a name of a song, part of the Buddha Bar albums that are a mix of etno, chill out, dnb, techno and bass. It’s one of my most favorite songs for it reminds me of times when a chapter of my life ended and I moved schools, starting all over again. While I can’t say that my experience with high school was one of great love and fun, I can say that it taught me things I find very important today. And it has nothing to do with the maths formulas I can’t recall even to this day.

Adios ayer was the song that reminded me of an eternal truth. The change is always the constant. There are no guarantees in life, there is no security, today might be the last and everyday holds this promise in unequal way that we only see from the distance. It’s beauty, it’s horror and it’s what life is made of. Change is our destiny, it’s our only promise.

I was in a nice little coffee place today when Adios ayer came on the radio. I felt like tears came to my eyes. I haven’t heard the song for years maybe and I had forgotten the meaning it had to my life. As a firm believer that things are connected and that people are in such a major matrix, bigger than all the comprehension possible of our minds, I thought that it was about time. Adios ayer means change is here and there is no coming back. Adios ayer is a sign relevant to my life and my experiences and it’s a simple indicator of something I have internally felt very strongly these days – it’s time to move on.

I appreciate life as an unique flow of experiences, unfolding in front of me. Good and bad are black and white definitions that never felt right to me. There is so much grey, so many nuances, there is never only left or right. Directions often come hand in hand with difficulties in life and it seems like you can predict only a little bit of the final destination. Because even if you find the outer dimensions of your chosen goal, most of the times your inner space has changed unimaginably and irreversibly under the pressure of the time and the things you go through. Everything matters. All the encounters, all the meetings, all the times you showed your emotions, all the analyzes of the infinite information about out little world in this vast Universe. It has a place to fit in and construct you to be the person, suiting certain places in certain times of your life.

It’s your choice, it’s never imposed on you and there is no circumstance greater than what each of us has inside as potential. Potential is simply the energy you put into something that has the capacity to transform itself in the future. You have it, I have it, all people have it. Maybe one lifetime isn’t enough for some of us to develop it to our highest potentials, but the freedom to explore our own existence beyond any borders is only ours. Never an outer rule and always starting with our core. Some call it soul. For others, it’s the rational mind and it’s energy towards creating realities in our life.For me, is something beyond the measures of our human logic. It’s what will always distinguish us from the machines, this particle that has the ability to connect with everything and anything in the world.

Let’s go back to adios ayer. This is not a sweet little post about moving on and saying how tomorrow you wake up a whole new person with half of your memories deleted. Nah, you know better than this. Running away is cowardly just because you can’t escape yourself. You can numb yourself, yes.

But I have chosen to never ever again live my life in this way. Simply because I know better, I have seen better and I struggle for something better.

You can’t break me to the pieces of my experience and take some out while you throw others and highlight the ones that everyone loves about me. It’s now how it works and honestly – I am glad. I am not my pieces altogether. Neither are you. You are beyond departmentalization, a robotic term that would suit a machine, but not a human being that is capable of love and it always comes back to this.

Rather, this is a post about waking up today to the amazing reality of having the ability to experience life in a new way, something that exactly your past has taught you how to do. Somewhere between the things that broke you and the ones that strengthened your core, are the things that are between the lines – your unexplored pieces. Warm colored feelings of the potential of yourself that still doesn’t exist anywhere else but inside. The world is still completely oblivious to it and you feel as if this painfully fragile sense of the future can die if you don’t take care of it.

It simply needs you. This energy of the change needs your energy, time, focus and love. It needs you to fuel it with your faith and keep it safe from the doubt of the mind that can destroy the light before it even breaths alive in the world. Holding tight to the past experience of yourself will kill this sense for it will compare the old to the new and destroy everything it holds still hidden for you. It needs to be explored step by step. It needs your dedication.

And this is what Adios ayer is all about- the patterns in our lives. How they come, they change, they throw us challenges and make us grow. In my life, growing means pain. It also means I am doing what my soul wants, I am moving, searching constantly to find new ways to connect my existence with the Universe in a better way. To dig deeper, to see clearer, to experience more and to follow the guidance that no other human being can give me. It comes from inside and only after that it needs others to be manifested.

So, Adios ayer. I hold my breath tightly as the wind gently blows my thoughts far and brings calmness in my heart. My home is here, inside. I will not  compromise my soul and I will never trade myself for approval. I am hungry for true life and crave meaning over mere existing. I am intense, chaotic and full of emotions. And, as a little child, impatient and hopeful, I can’t wait to see my place in this world.

Adios ayer.

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